puzzle?

I've been rotting at home for more than a week now,no..don't talk about what I've accomplished because I have no idea about that.The same routines goes on and on every single day since I have no class to attend, no people to meet and not engaged to any job,so all I do was sleep-eat-walk around-talk to my dog-Facebook-eat-sleep.It's like a endless circle..and frankly speaking I am so sick of that :( 

I think I am weird,yeah I really do.

When I am so busy with college life I get homesick so often and misses all the stress free life that I can have during holidays,on the other hand when I am on holidays,I miss attending classes and the "healthier" lifestyle that I am forced to have.Life is full with dilemmas,and we just can't escape from that. 

Guess so my holidays isn't the well planned one this time,and I really have to admit on this matter because I've already spent so much time on achieving nothing.Literally,nothing.Okay,maybe there is something...I did a huge amount of thinking these days..haha is this considered as achievement?

Interested in knowing what I have in my mind these days?is okay if you don't though..cause it's lame and I know it..and I am not going to blame you if you quit this page now,I swear :)

Well,I was thinking A LOT about things that happened in that past,things that happening now and things that will happen in the future. I've always wonder why I was born in the first place,okay I may sound a little bit too much and silly to think about those fated things they we are unable to change.But hey,don't you think about this question yourself too?

As much as I hate to say this,this killing question already rooted in me since the day when I started gaining the ability to make evaluations about events surrounding me.Not so sure about the particulars,but I remember it was the first time I showered on my own(without assistance from my mum)and fatefully there was a makeup mirror in that bathroom.I took a long time looking at the reflected image of  me,wonder why do I look like that?why do I existed?who am I?from where I came?blablabla..and the questions go endless.As an innocent child,of course I threw those doubts that I have in me to my parents,but all I got was "you will understand it when you grow up girl." Since then,I was so eager to grow up,I cant wait to grow up so that I can eliminate those suffocating curiosity that intensifying in me. 

And now,I am all grown up.

It will be a lie if I say I found no answers,I did found some considerable answers.Yet,the puzzle still remains as a puzzle to me.The fact is NO ONE KNOWS WHY I AM BORN TO THE GODDAMN WORLD!By saying that some answers are considerable,it is actually something that I've learnt in the church.My pastor was telling me that everyone is born with an identical purpose and it is none other than glorifying God.I nodded on that statement because by far that is the only answer that sort of answering my question,even though I was partially disagree on that due to that fact that not everyone believes in God.How about those who doesn't believe in god?they have no one to glorify thus they have no purpose in life?Oh god,I was confused. 

Anyway,we can never be too sure about everything right?Guess so I should just press on and live this god-knows-what life.

Life is full with unknowns and uncertainties,and that is what makes life life.

At the end if the day,the puzzle remains unsolved.



till then,


xoxo


Moody me,

Princess Evon